Dreams

Dreams…

Dreams Deferred by Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up

Like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore-

And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over-

Like a syrupy sweet

Maybe it just sags

Like a heavy load

Or does it explode?

For many years, I taught Lorraine Hansberry’s play A Raisin in the Sun. Her play begins with this poem. We would have discussions built around this poem and about our dreams and how they affect us. What would our dreams do for us? How do we navigate our plans for our dreams. I taught this lesson but I never really thought about how my decisions really impacted my dreams. As a teacher my dream was to see my students find success. Early in my career my focus was always on my students and making school fun. I loved having fun. I loved planning the fun lesson. I loved watching the conversation grow. The “ah ha” moments happening were what I lived for. But it wasn’t really my dream. I wanted my students to have the best that I could provide but I didn’t know what that meant for me as the teacher. I gave them everything that I had, I came to every class ready to give 100%.

But somewhere I had lost my zeal. I just wasn’t interested anymore. I still did the work, I still worked fairly hard, but I didn’t really have the same enthusiasm anymore. I couldn’t figure it out. I started looking at what I needed to do to change career path. I was just burned out. Did my dream dry up? My frustrations were festering like a sore. Nothing was a syrupy sweet, it felt like my issues had become a heavy load. I took a step back and thought about what I was really doing. What did I really want to become? Did I want to be a teacher or did I just enjoy the creative process? What did I want to take away from it all? Did my dreams match my goals?

I decided to accept my fate and teach. I want to lead. I love learning and this seem to be my path. Teaching is my mission in life. It is my quest. Like any quest, teaching is hard work. Teaching is not just work, it is a lifestyle. Teaching is more than all of these things. It is a calling. Sometimes for teachers, it appears that we get lost in all of the menial tasks, the lesson plans, the paper work, the grading, the faculty and staff meetings, the emails and the memos. But teaching is such a gift and such a blessing that leaving it really could never be an option for me. My dream doesn’t sag like a heavy load. My dream expands, my dream is developing, my dream is deep. So I think maybe Langston Hughes was right, my dream explodes.